Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
