Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
