i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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