You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
