is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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