To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
