we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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