Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
