i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
don't judge my taste in strippers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
