he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
