I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
