well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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