last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
