the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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