It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
