Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
