Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
