SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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