did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
