THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
