So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
