So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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