Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
