I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
