Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
