She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
