There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
