I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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