i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
