what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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