my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
