I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
