Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
