In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
