My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
