your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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