my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
