I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
