He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
