I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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