I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
