ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
