First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We left the knife in your bed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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