you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
