I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
