my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do herpes really smell.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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