I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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