apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
