the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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