he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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