Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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