So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
