My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize