Moan for me like Helen Keller
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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