now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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