What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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