At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
