So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
