i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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