Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
