My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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