I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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