I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
