he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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