No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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