you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
