your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
