Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
North Korea, Best Korea!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
