the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
