I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
