Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
