Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
