TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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