You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
