So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
