I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
