GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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