By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
