No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize