I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
