no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
