I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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