I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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