He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
