I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
