I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
