i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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