just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
