Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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