dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
