me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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